The first thing that happens when you wake up is that you become aware of your thoughts. These thoughts can shape how you feel. But is that really true? If we wake up with angry thoughts and horrible feelings, does that alone make us unhappy? Not necessarily.
What truly affects us is how we respond to these thoughts. We often feel horrible because of our reactions to past events, often involving others. But should we let these thoughts dictate our emotions and actions? Is our inner voice always telling us the purest truth, or is it influenced by our ego and subjective perceptions?
When you have a thought, ask yourself critically: Is what I am thinking true? If not, let it go. If it is true, is there something I can do about it? If yes, take action. If not, accept it. Acceptance doesn’t mean inaction; it means acknowledging the reality and still choosing to move forward.
Here’s an example. Last Friday morning, I woke up feeling quite tired. I hadn’t slept well after a fight with my wife the evening before and spent the night in a hotel. My mind was filled with thoughts like, “She is impossible,” and “I can’t take this any longer.” As a result, I felt horrible.
Then I asked myself, is what I am thinking true? Absolutely not! My wife loves me through thick and thin. We’ve shared so many happy times and fond memories together. We have a wonderful family, including four kids, and many caring friends. We’ve been together for nearly 13 years, and most of the time, we’ve been very happy. So, I decided to drop those negative thoughts. I went for a lovely breakfast with a view of the iconic Hong Kong harbor. By the time I returned home, I felt grateful for everything, even that lonely night in the hotel bed.
This was an example of my brain generating untrue thoughts. It was relatively easy to dismiss them. But what if the thoughts are true? Here’s another example from a friend. Things at work were not going well. The business in Asia was down, and his US-based bosses were difficult. One day, he received an email stating that the US had decided to close the office due to financial constraints. His mind went into overdrive with thoughts like, “How dare they?” and “Why do these things always happen to me?” These thoughts made him feel horrible.
Again, it helps to listen to your thoughts and ask if they are true. Most of the thoughts above were not. But the fact that he was leaving the firm was true. There was nothing he could do about it except accept it. And despite its presence, he could still take action! He could find a new job, learn new skills, and change his career direction. Before that, he could enjoy a long-overdue one-month summer holiday and start that travel blog or write that book he always wanted to.
Charlie Mackesy sums it up well in his superb book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse: “One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.”
